Folks
A collection of very short true stories
No more hunger: Allen, who duped a company 12m worth of food, got himself 120 years of free prison food in Maiduguri.
Former Anglican knight, Nwabueze, 35, preferred the smell of cash bills to the Bible. He’d been arrested for fraud of 15m in Anambra.
Change of heart in Osogbo. Mohamodu, 22, who abducted a 13-year-old, gifted 4 years of his life to the prison. He was enforced to.
When refined, crude oil has lots of end products. For Jubrin Abubakar of Rivers State, an oil thief, the end product is a 3-year jail.
Air force fight in the sky. But four officers who embezzled 41m will fight on their feet in small rooms for the next 21 years.
2-year imprisonment in Delta: 3 specialists in church music instruments burglary can’t support the music industry for now.
Italy-bound and from Edo, Douglas, 23, must have eaten heroin in his dream. He excreted 59 wraps at Abuja Airport.
In Ondo, a pastor, during whose service a-year-old boy disappeared, is set to forever prepare prison walls for Christ’s second coming.
Michael, of Sango, prefers to get paid on judgement day. With broken bottle, he killed Abraham, a bricklayer who owed his mother N20,000.
Ambitious Ogun State is faking it before making it. It’s been 5 excellent lawyers who never read law arrested since August.
To prevent future abduction, the government renovated Chibok school 7 years after its students were abducted en masse with some still in captivity.
Another Nobel Laureate in Nigeria? Makuidi, 27, found another use for drugs: a cup of tea, doses of tramadol, victim’s cash. In that order.
The police containing the anti-banditry protest in Kastina saved a protester from future bandit attacks by shooting him.
What will armed bandits not steal? Humbly, this time, off a bike in Kaduna, it is Mr. Humble Katuka.
Osun. Ondo. Ekiti. Are Nigerians enemy of progress? Many can’t take the increase in staple food prices anymore.
Joining the fight against naira depreciation, a patriotic Nigerian IT engineer in the US defrauded 27 US states of $290,000.
Lagos state: 21. Ondo state: 11. Committed to keep the streets clean, police arrested protesters who littered the streets with their feet.
Baby fast becoming a doctor in Lagos. For 7 months, Blessing, 27, owing part of the delivery fee, has stayed in the hospital with her baby.
After hours in the sun at a protest in Lagos, Adadu, a policeman, helped Kayode, a journalist, clear his head with his baton.
In Ife, Adebayo, a pastor, realized pastoring is his second calling and provided Gbenga, his church member, a hand in a 12.7m fraud.
After the deceased accused him of stealing his phone, ThankGod, 18, denied it by hitting his father, 40, to death in Benue.
Is David, 44, a kidnapper? No. Did he kidnap a 2-year-old in Ogun? Yes. Did he kidnap him with other culprits? Yes. Is David a kidnapper?
An archangel, Michael, 46, who took pleasure of 3 boys of 6, 14, 17 in Anambra, blamed his archenemy: the devil.
Prison break at St. Paul’s Anglican Church in Ekiti. 3 men have by now freed 10 corpses. The freed men paid with their severed heads.
Unidentified men exercised their freedom of movement. But some court documents and cash were in their way. They had to clear it.
To protect underground microorganisms from harm, Badagry residents stole spilled fuel from a fallen tanker.
Age is nothing but number. If you subtract Ejike’s from that of his neighbor’s daughter’s he defiled in Anambra, you get -33.
You can’t school Nwanneka about police. The lawyer discouraged a tricycle rider from paying a N50 bribe in Enugu and was beaten to coma.
War against misogyny. Accused of bringing two many women to the house, Onyemachi, 21, kept a knife in his landlord’s back in Anambra.
So as not to mistakenly burn the money, the government has helped keep the Federal Fire Service staff’s salaries for 2 months now.
Family function and bare hands are the next best pair? Those are what Ayobami in Ogun made himself a widower with.
Chioma Chijioke, 31, works better with others’ children. She and 3 teenagers have been arraigned for burglary in Ekiti.
For N150,000, Emila Sunday, 21, wants her 3-month-old baby in exchange for a detty December in Anambra.
If 47 is the number and N10m is the worth and a detached train coach and cows are involved, what actually happened in Osogbo?
The cheapest way to get a death sentence at Ekiti State High Court is to rob. 2 men, and then 3, have now achieved it within 24 hours.
A Lagos company worker, Peter, won’t waste his bullets on the company newly promoted Financial Controller and her children if she resigns.
A truck driver, Taiwo, parked his vehicle on a Lagos bridge, got drunk, and fell into past tense.
God rains his blessings. After a heavy morning downpour in Akwa, a day-old baby was found in the gutter.
An unknown wind has blown typing sheets worth of N30,000 from an Osogbo court into the houses of two of the court workers.
People dream big in Edo state. Kidnappers want N15m ransom on a primary school teacher and his petty trader wife in their custody.
Patriotic guys founded a fake traffic wardens’ recruitment organization in Abuja. The police couldn’t do better: 2 of them are busted.
Someone from Lagos has proven Math is easy. IG skits plus scamming plus arrest plus 34 others is equal to Nwagbo Chidera (Pankeeroy).
The feat is: rob a phone accessory shop in Osun, get arrested in Ogun. The achievers are 3 men plus a runner-up who was nabbed in Osun.
In Ibadan, a female soldier repaid a man on crutches for cautioning her boy from crossing the road carelessly. She beat him.
How to bag a 2-year imprisonment with WhatsApp and Thai Friendly in Enugu? Ask Ojike Maduabuchi who tried duping Asian women.
Scared hell fire might not be real eventually, an 18-year-old, after a misunderstanding, set her boyfriend on fire in Benue.
Police thought they rescued a kidnapped couple in Ondo. But Mr. Ibikunle, the husband, claimed N2m ransom from their family did it.
Won’t people die of illnesses as Lagos shut down no fewer than 21 illegal pharmacies and drug stores?
Chukwuemeka, 28, would make an excellent Anambra landlord. With a shovel, he sent his wife and daughter, aged 26 and 4, out of this world.
There’s more to numbers in Lagos if you divide 62 (the millions of naira Abioye swindled) by 77 (the years he’d spend in prison).
Mohammed arrested Jesus for indecent conduct in Akwa. One is a state Police Public Relations officer, the other a prophet nicked Onyeze Jesus.
An Anambra pastor, Obijofa, 28, working with demon and Indian hemp, sent his wife and baby boy to inquire about Christ’s second coming.
The sheep have turned after their shepherd in Lagos state. The Living Faith Church has jailed a pastor. N14.5m is the deal.
Protecting Port Harcourt residents against plausible sound pollution, Ben, a sergeant, shot Daniel, an up-and-coming musician.
The only way not to be shot on your vagina if your boyfriend suspects you’re cheating on him is not to date Chibude Onyema, an Imo hunter.
A retired soldier, Nigerian president, army commander-in-chief, deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. He’s begging bandits to release abducted students.
No bank can afford to employ Queen from Lagos, a graduate of Banking and Finance. She’s instead into internet fraud with her brother.
Is high rice the new food in town? From February to April, customs have seized 11 sacks of cannabis alongside 3,311 bags of rice.
Who’s dreaming, who’s not? Villagers claimed they were attacked my herdsmen in Benue. Soldiers said wasn’t true. The police weren’t aware.
If time is money, then 11 Lagos internet fraud suspects just won themselves some cash from EFCC.